Happily Ever After
Or so I thought...
Looking back through the countless photos and videos of us during the past 10 years has been bittersweet to say the least.
I’ve re-written this a couple of times and I’m still not sure how to start…
I guess I’ll start at the beginning.
Let me introduce you to Rene,
my soon to be ex-husband.
We met in Rowlett High School. I was a freshman at the time. We had a class together, biology if I remember correctly… He was never there and I was in my own world. We spoke maybe once, twice at most.
Fast forward to a few years later when Myspace was poppin’. We became friends on there and he messaged me. We didn’t talk much. Some time passed by and Facebook was the new thing. We found each other on Facebook and messaged each other every now and then. I remember making a post saying that I wanted to start attending church regularly again. The feedback I got was incredible! He was one of the ones that responded to me. I accepted his offer to go to church during the week. The day came and we went to church on July 21st, 2010. Afterwards we went to iHop to eat something.
His girlfriend calls as we’re about to order our food. I had no idea he was in a relationship nor did it bother me since we were only going as friends.
This is where it starts to get good….
He answers the phone and says that the youth from church came to iHop to get something to eat…. I was confused. Why lie? Then the waiter starts to go along with it!!! He starts to ask all these “people we were with” for their orders. (Looking back now I laugh and I definitely think I should’ve just asked to go home instead of staying.) So he ends the phone call with an “I love you babe, I’ll talk to you later.” At this point theres so many questions in my head about this guy. Where was this guy that I just witnessed at church? I was confused. Anyway, long story short we make our way back to my house. I lived in a gated community so we had to call to have it opened.
He wanted to park around the neighborhood but I tell him it can’t be that long since I was sure my mom was already either outside waiting for me or looking out the window. Either way, he parked his truck and asked me, “What would you do if I tried to kiss you right now?” I told him that I wouldn’t kiss him since he had a girlfriend and it was the first time we hung out. He kissed me anyway and I kissed him back. There was this undeniable connection I had with him since we made eye contact that night. I went home and of course my mom asked what had taken me so long to get from the gate to the front of the door. I don’t remember what excuse I gave her but I can’t help but about it now. He called me later that night after he got home and asked if he could come over the next day to hang out again. I said yes.
Eventually I realized that he wasn’t going to break up with his girlfriend and that we weren’t going to have an actual relationship. So our relationship definitely shifted into a different place. Although the feelings for him were still there, I left it at as friends and tried to move on. I didn’t talk to him as often or see him daily anymore now that school had started so that helped a lot. Before I knew it I had a boyfriend. One that I was super excited about. So much so that I would celebrate every week that we lasted together. I’m sure everyone rolled their eyes at it but no one could understand this happiness I was feeling. He was amazing, the sweetest person I had ever met with a heart of gold. A total and complete gentleman, someone that made me feel safe and at peace when we were together. Things didn’t work out with his mom and I which hurt the relationship a lot. I told him that I didn’t want to be in a relationship and just wanted to embrace being single.
TWO WEEKS LATER….
I officially started dating Rene on January 29th, 2011 we officially became boyfriend and girlfriend. His parents didn’t know and neither did my mom. She always said that she wanted to be the first to know if he ever came to develop feelings for me. I think that’s what upset her the most. That he didn’t own up to it until I told my mom I was dating Rene. She felt that her trust was betrayed and I was taken advantage of. He was no longer welcome to come over to the house. Things got really complicated really fast. I wasn’t allowed to see him and my mom said she put a restraining order against him. (Which until this year I found out that she just said that to scare us.) Lol.
My birthday came around and I was finally 18!! My mom couldn’t stop me from being with him anymore. I was an adult. So like an adult, I skipped school that day and spent my day with him. My mom received a call from the school saying that I was absent and ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. She was not at all happy that I missed school to be with him. This only made things between them even worse. I ignored all the text messages and phone calls the whole day. I thought that she was going to be extremely mad so I had a brilliant idea! I wasn’t going to go home that night… Eventually when I did end up coming back home I saw that she had left a sign on the front door saying that I had 24hrs to get my things and leave the house. So I grabbed my things and left.
I moved in with Rene for a while. Although his parents were supportive, they weren’t too thrilled about us living together and not being married. They also didn’t want us to get married anytime soon since we were still both so young. We felt the pressure of both of our families and had yet another brilliant idea… we ran away!!! We would have preferred to struggle and start from zero than to be away from each other. Eventually we had a meeting with his parents and my mother. Neither of them were too happy with us but in order to keep us in their lives, we came to an agreement. I would move back in with my mom and Rene would go back to his parents house. They wanted to make sure that I graduated high school and didn’t let our lives go to waste. Despite some obstacles that came from skipping school so much, I managed to graduate on time.
Fast forward to that summer and I was living with him again. We had countless memories together and went on many adventures together. I don’t remember the exact day but during the summer was when he asked me to marry him. I said yes. Neither one of our families were happy about it,, they said we were still too young and they wanted us to experience life first. We didn’t care, we were sure that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We let a few months pass by and started saving up for when we got married. The new year had come and neither side of our families were warming up to the fact that we wanted to get married. So we decided to get married on our 1 year anniversary despite what the world had to say about it. Thankfully my mom finally supported us since she didn’t want to miss out on our wedding. Since there was a lot of controversy due to our age, we decided to only invite our immediate family members. In the end, only my mom and brother went. Until this day, we don’t talk about it much because theres still some issues about who was there to witness our big day.
We get an apartment and start our new life together. They say that the first year of marriage is the hardest that you endure but I disagree. But I guess that’s because now I know the trials we would have to endure as the years went by… There was people betting against on how long our marriage would last. Some said 1 month, others said 3 months but no one said more than a year. Things got a little rough after I lost my employment in June of that year. I don’t want to sound like I’m bashing anyone or placing blame so I’ll just skip to the next major life event.
P R E G N A N C Y !
I found out that I was pregnant summer of 2013. Shortly after this Rene found out about an opening as a Youth Pastor at a church in Arizona. For his birthday we went to Arizona so he could speak about the position and so he could be interviewed and see if it would be a good fit for us. The plan was to wait until we both felt that God was leading us to move. He was asked to come onboard right away. I was very reluctant to this drastic change since this was my first pregnancy and I wouldn’t have my mom by my side or any of my loved ones close by. I had several scares in the beginning of my trimester. After several ER visits and doctors appointments I was put on bed rest and had to resign at my job since I would be moving anyway. At this point Rene was already in Arizona trying to get settled in. A few weeks passed by and I was cleared by my doctor once I was in mid-second trimester. By October we were already living in Arizona. I was hoping to adapt and learn to love this new state and the new people in it. I was wrong. I shut myself down and was depressed. I couldn’t do much about my situation so I just kept to myself and stayed afloat for my little bundle of joy that was already on her way.
It was now February and my due date was getting closer and closer! I went to Texas to celebrate my baby girl’s arrival. I finally got to see my mom and my brother after a couple of months (it felt like an eternity). I got to see my friends that are like family to me and my heart was happy again. I was finally home again. I was low-key hoping that Babygirl would make her debut in Texas and that would give me more time to stay but that didn’t happen. On April 13th, 2014 I decided to go to the hospital to go get checked. I wasn’t feeling any contractions or was I in any pain but it was babygirl’s due date so I went in. To my surprise, I was leaking fluid and was admitted to the hospital. Things were progressing slowly and I remembered that Rene had to go minister at a church. So I told him that it was okay if he left since I didn’t think that Babygirl would be coming anytime soon. Within minutes of him leaving baby’s heartbeat dropped after a contraction. Within a few minutes of that, baby’s heartbeat became dangerously high. All of a sudden we lost the heartbeat. A ton of medical staff rushed in. They said baby was in too much distress and they thought the best option would be a c-section. My mother-in-law was there with me, she started crying and panicking. I tried calming her down and told her to call my mom on the phone. As soon as I told her the news, panic kicked in and I started crying. I was a nervous wreck. She prayed for me and we hung up. They started prepping me - I was ready to go within 4 minutes. We tried to get in contact with Rene and let him know of the news but no luck. We messaged some of the members to let them know what was happening and finally gave him the news. He rushed to the hospital and got there a few minutes after babygirl was born.
Abigail Anayiah Garcia
I ended up staying 3 nights and 2 days in the hospital to recover from the c -section/birth. We went home and tried to adapt to our new normal. This is where sleep deprivation kicked in from taking care of a newborn. The countless diaper changes, feedings, bathing, etc.. it started to take a toll. I didn't feel as supported as I would have liked to during this time period. That feeling didn't really change until Abigail was about 1 year old and Rene started to be more helpful and include himself more in the daily tasks that needed to be done.
I ended up coming to Texas with Abigail to take some time for myself and just think about what I wanted to do. I started getting car sick while I was there and I knew that I was pregnant. I decided to go back to Arizona and try to work things out since there was another baby on the way. A few weeks after finding out I was pregnant, I had a scare and we thought I was going to miscarry. I was told to take things easily and to get all the help I was being offered. In May of that year we found out that we were having another princess.
Before we knew it, it was time to have another baby. I went to go get checked out at the hospital, and I was leaking amniotic fluid. So my doctor informed me that I would be getting induced since I wasn't in active labor and my contractions were inconsistent. I ended up being able to successfully have a vbac and gave birth after 18 hours of labor.
Clarissa Uziela Garcia
We were overjoyed with the new additional member to our family. Of course we struggled financially since Rene was the only working during the time. But we managed to stay afloat.... To make a long story short, we endured a lot of trials and difficulties that should've tear us apart instantly. "Like what?", you may ask yourself. For example: Rene went to jail, financial issues, I had miscarriages, and I was diagnosed with terminal cancer [and that's just to name a few].
Looking back now, I suppose it did tear us apart, slowly. Instead of leaning on each other during our hardest moments in life, we relied on our own strength. In truth, I really feel that our marriage failed not because of all the trials but because we failed to have God in the midst of it all. We rarely read the Bible together let alone pray together. It was our committment to a church or the fact that Rene was a "public figure" and was involved in ministry work. That also took a toll on our marriage. I started to resent church and even God at times for the lack of time/attention my husband would give me and his children.
We weren't the best at communicating with one another and I feel that we didn't express how we truly felt to one another due to fear of either not being listened to or fear of rejection... In the end, love was simply not enough. I believe that not only had we fallen out of love but we failed to have a friendship between us. Things got ugly between us, things were said and done about each other and to one another that we will never be able to take back. And even though things didn't work out between us, he will always be the father of my beauties and without him, my girls wouldn't be here. For that, I am thankful. The rest of it doesn't matter.
Now, all that is left is to peacefully co-parent and keep in mind what's best for our girls. Which will always be our main priority. So here's to moving on and enjoying what comes next.